Pokemon Review: Slugma

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Slugma!

Slugma Details

Type: Fire

Average Height: 2’ 04”

Average Weight: 77.2 lbs.

First introduced in Generation II

I’ve never been a big sleeper. I’ll go to bed, eventually, sure, but I’d rather not. I only started going to bed at a normal and consistent time when I got a job writing here. Before that (or whenever I have time off) I’m staying up late and watching or playing stuff until 4 a.m. So I relate to Slugma! Well, mostly. I won’t literally dry up and die if I sleep. And, last I checked, I also don’t have lava running through my veins. But other than those things, I’m just like Slugma.

According to Bulbapedia, Slugma’s body contains magma instead of blood. This is odd. But also, this magma actually carries nutrients and oxygen throughout its flaming body. That’s… just not possible, now that I think about it. I’m no lava expert, but I don’t think nutrients would last long in hot magma. Oxygen seems even less likely to last. In fact, wouldn’t that explode? Maybe this is just a joke about it being hot-blooded? If so, get better writers Pokemon Company.

If this whole “lava-blood” thing is true, then it makes sense why this thing can’t stop moving, even to sleep. I can only imagine how much raw energy and power must be contained in a creature running on pure magma. If it does stop moving, according to Pokedex entries, it will turn into brittle, breakable stone and break into many pieces. Maybe, like a liquid-metal Terminator, you could just toss the pieces back into a hot pot of steel or something and it would come back to life. If you own a Slugma, go try that now and tell me how it goes.

*Two Days Later…*

Oh hey, an email from a reader that is somehow reading Kotaku while living in the actual, literal Pokemon universe. He says he tried out the Slugma trick I mentioned and it didn’t come back. His beloved pet, friend, and Pokemon pal is now dead forever. Well…good to know.

Random Facts

• That email I got was fake and a joke. The person actually just said “Kotaku sucks. Go collect your checks from Xbox you Sony-haters!” Hated even in the Pokemon universe.
• Slugma prefers hanging out in warm places, often gathering together with other Slugma to stay hot. HOT SLUGMA SUMMER BABY!
• I assume Abomasnow and Slugma would hate each other. Not just because of the cold weather that Abomasnow creates, but also because OBAMAsnow isn’t loved by people filled with MAGA… Did that political joke work? I hope so because I can’t delete anything this weekend after losing a terrible bet.

Best Comment From Last Week

I love Aromatisse’s cry. It sounds like the beginning of a Michael Jackson’s song.

–Volnunes

Huh…

Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend!